They say infants and toddlers learn through movement, but why is movement so important for infants and toddlers?
On this episode of the Learn With Less podcast, Ayelet sits down with Wendi McKenna, a pediatric physical therapist, family coach, and founder of the website Move, Play, Grow.
Ayelet and Wendi’s discussion centers around the fact that young children learn through movement. Even though our culture often places a strong focus on cognitive and social/emotional development, these areas are most efficiently addressed through movement!
The episode also covers Wendi’s journey into providing education for new parents (and her strong belief in the power of play), the reasons why movement is so important for infants and toddlers, Wendi’s best tips for incorporating more movement and play experiences into our lives with our young children, and her favorite resources for more – and deeper – information about the benefits of movement and play, and how these impact learning.
QUICK ACCESS TO LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE
Learn With Less podcast episode with Tracy Cutchlow on the Language of Listening
Dr. Laura Markham (founder of Aha Parenting)
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Wendi: Website / Facebook / Instagram / Twitter
Text transcript of this episode
Ayelet: Welcome to episode 55 of the Learn With Less Podcast. Today, I’m speaking with Wendi McKenna, a pediatric physical therapist, family coach, and founder of Move, Play, Grow.
Wendi merges the science of infant and child development with the art and energy of daily living to support parents to create, trust, and live their authentic vision, to connect deeply with themselves and their family, and to love and nurture their babies and children profoundly. She is also the mother of three incredible, unique beings! Wendi, welcome to Learn With Less!
Wendi: Thank you, Ayelet, it’s wonderful to be here!
Ayelet: We’re so happy to have you – I’m finally having you – I’ve been on a couple of your projects, and I’m just so happy that we are connected! It’s wonderful. So, I’ve asked you to come onto the show today to speak about some of the reasons why movement is so very important for our tiny people.
But first, I would love to hear just a little bit about your journey into new parent education, because I know that you and I really share a very strong belief in that power of play and connection. So, tell us just a bit about how you got to the work that you’re doing today.
Wendi: Cool, awesome. Well, thanks again for having me, and welcome everyone who’s here online – I’m really excited to be here with all of you. I am a pediatric physical therapist by trade. I’ve been doing it in the clinic for 18 years now, which has been incredible. And I knew that it would be somewhat good “mommy training” once I, you know, jumped into that realm, but I had no idea how much it would actually help me.
But then, it also helped me to shift, too, because, as a therapist, a lot of times, we are trained to look at the gap. And we are trained to help kids fill the gap, and we are trained to help parents help their kids fill the gap. The problem with that is that our focus is on “the gap,” not really honoring and believing and trusting that where we are today is truly “enough.” And so, when my first baby was born, and we had a very challenging birth, and she was born blue, and they had to do deep suctioning, and she went right to the NICU nurses, you know, before she came over to me… you know, this is the path that many of my children that I treat in the clinic take.
So I was terrified, and immediately got into “therapy mode” – loved her as a mother does, but was always looking for the sequellae of neural impairment… because I know that that’s the path for so many of the babies that I see in the clinic. And, so from the very beginning with my oldest, saw the gap, treated the gap, and missed out on a lot of the “mommying.” Missed out on a lot of the love, and the true connection, and seeing her for who she is, rather than trying to fix her.
She is now 11, and I’m seeing that some of my ways of being with her when she was a young infant and a young toddler have brought into it some self-confidence issues with her – not feeling worthy, not feeling enough. And I just kind of went, “oh my god – what have I done?” And at the same time, giving myself grace, because that’s the best that I knew then. And I’ve learned a lot. And I used to say, like, when I learned something new, I’d be like, “oh, well, too late for that! Let’s have another baby, try over!”
And that’s why we have number two and number three! You know, even with number three who’s now 5, like, there’s still gonna be things that I’m gonna come across and go… I wish I had known this then! And, at the same time, what’s so wonderful about bringing the science into all this, is that the science itself is shifting. The culture of science of looking for the gap, looking at what’s wrong, is shifting.
So now, we are seeing research that’s coming out that’s saying, “let’s meet who these beings are – how do we nurture them to be even bigger?” you know, so that they are growing – we’re not searching, we’re growing. And this place of being is so much more beautiful than looking for and living in the gap. And I think so many of us live in that gap, and if we get the opportunity to shift out and truly believe in your heart and soul that you are enough, and then through just simple things in your daily life, simple tweaks of what you’re doing and the way that you’re being, can make all the difference for you and your kids.
Ayelet: Yay!!!! Exactly! [claps and laughs]
Wendi: So that’s what I’m doing! So I’m living this, I’m living this dream daily, it’s a daily practice – it doesn’t just come to you, “ah ha.” You know, you get to create a vision for yourself and for your family, you get to create mantras for yourself and for your family, and you get to be in alignment with the way you are and what you do, to prioritize the things in your life that are in alignment with that. And get into that true, authentic knowing that you’re enough and that what you’re doing is supporting your bigger dream.
Ayelet: Yes, exactly. That’s it! That’s totally it. Alright! Ok, so that’s the big picture. Let’s get down to the nitty gritty, here. Why is movement so important for infants and toddlers?
Wendi: Oh my goodness…
Ayelet: In five seconds or less! Just kidding.
Wendi: Ok, so, form follows function, and behavior becomes biology. I had the ability to take adaptive biology courses, and kinesthesia courses in college. But it is so true that we are built from the skeleton, and the muscles that attach to that skeleton, to move a certain way. And so the development of the skeleton, as it is related to movement, and how the brain is related to controlling that movement… everything is a unit. And so, what we tend to do is kinda, you know, develop our kids’ brains a lot.
We wanna develop the brain and we want them to have social/emotional health, and we want them to have cognitive and learning health, and, you know, all the stuff – you know, those are really the top two things that a lot of parents are kinda of looking for, is the social/emotional and the cognitive… and it’s almost like we’ve separated the head from the body. You can’t have social/emotional or cognitive health unless you are integrated with your body!
And so, when we put our babies in containers (you know, we can talk about containers all we want), but you know, those things that you see from floor to ceiling in big box baby stores that, you know, prop your baby into positions that they themselves cannot get into, because they love being there – and, thank goodness they love being there, because they have to work so hard to get there!
Right, they are Olympic athletes, these zero to twelve month-old babies. You know, they go from being these totally dependent, can’t-do-anything-against-gravity, to these awesome, you know, toddling around, exploring, getting back up again, in 12 months! And so the growth that occurs in the body, the growth that occurs in the brain, the growth that occurs in the sensory system in that first year of life will never be matched again. What you get in the first year of life is what you get. And you can make up some of the gap later on down the road if you end up missing it, but why do that if you can just get it done the first time around?
Ayelet: From the very beginning.
Wendi: So, let your baby move. Create spaces that are safe for them to move. Let them be on the floor. And when they are not on the floor, wear them as much as you can. Because wearing them, rather than putting them in devices, they are close to you (getting that connection), they are feeling and responding to human movement, if there’s skin-to-skin contact, you’ve got more regulation skills that are happening – not just with temperature regulation, but with heartbeat, breathing, being, you know, because they’re close to you.
And it’s always going to be different, because the way that you move is different, and they get to feel human movement, versus being in a plastic container where it’s always the same thing every single time. So, the hallmark of typical development is variety and variability. So, the more that we can provide them the opportunity to explore that variety and variability, the more they’re gonna tap into that!
Ayelet: Exactly. And this is not to say, I mean, I think a lot of us use those containers, because they help to save our own brains and bodies and lives in certain moments. This is an education for us. This is an education for parents, this is the “why” behind you know, you hear this all the time, you know, “well don’t put your baby in a container” – well, here’s why! And once we understand the sort of scientific background behind all of that, then we get to make those decisions for ourselves, we get to decide, ok, what are those negotiables for me?
What is, in this very moment, what is the easiest thing, the best thing, the best thing for my family, the best thing for my family and for my baby’s development? And you know what? If putting a child in a container for a few minutes at a time is the best thing for you in that moment so you can get dinner on the table and everyone can relax? That’s ok! What we’re talking about is habits, and general behaviors. So, yes – the hallmark is variety. I think that’s so important.
Wendi: Right. And the thing is, you know, I’ve walked into families’ homes where they provide variety by having all the different containers! Right, you have the sitter, you have the stander, you have the swing, you have the bouncer, and it’s like, I’m giving my baby all these things so they can develop! And… just so you know, that’s not how babies develop. So, we need to help them have the foundation of how to control movement forward-backward, and how to control movement side-to-side, and how to control movement in rotation.
So those are the three planes on which we move, and when you see somebody walking down the street, or you see an Olympic athlete doing their thing, or any sort of, like, crazy dancer – I just love watching dancers, they make it look effortless! And the reason that they can make it look effortless is that they have control on all of those planes of motion. And we can give that control to our babies – our babies are supposed to have that control on the floor by the time they are six months old!
Ayelet: That’s amazing.
Wendi: A six-month old, on the ground, has complete head control, which means that they can sequentially roll across the room without their heads ever touching the floor. They can defy gravity into planks that you wouldn’t be able to hold, right? They are doing baby planks! And, see, babies aren’t doing this as much anymore because they aren’t getting that floor time.
And if they are on the floor, a lot of the time, it’s not on their tummy. And where they really do develop, you know, a lot of their muscles. And so, we can dive more into that if you want to, but the idea is that we really need to allow them the opportunity to develop. And if they are in a container, they are contained.
Ayelet: Yes. That’s what it comes down to. Alright, Wendi, we are going to take a break to hear a word from our sponsor, and then we are going to hear a few tips and resources from Wendi about her best tips for incorporating more movement and play experiences into our lives with our infants and toddlers.
Ayelet: Ok, Wendi, let’s hear those tips. So, for me as a speech-language pathologist, that sort of communication piece came very naturally to me, but I was less familiar with the motor milestones when I had my first baby. So, I’d love it if you could give us sort of a set of a few ideas about positive ways that we can be physical with our infants and toddlers, maybe just give us a nice fresh set of ideas and easy tips to integrate movement into the kinds of activities that we may already be doing with our little ones.
Wendi: Ok, so starting with the youngest ones, you know, in that fourth trimester, and while your baby is still in a diaper, taking the opportunity for the diaper changing table to be a place of play and movement, and not just a place to get rid of icky diapers. And so, you know, my babies ended up being the happiest on the changing table, because they were awake, they were fed, and they got to be naked for a while. So, when, and I wish… and I might be able to back up. I’m gonna step out of the screen really quick, because I want to show you my doll. This is Max, so I can show everybody.
Ayelet: Ok, so for all of you listening to the podcast, Wendi’s holding up an adorable baby-sized doll.
Wendi: So basically, our babies are small enough to pick up “in plane.” So we pick them up, we place them somewhere, we pick them up, we place them somewhere. So, instead of just picking them up and placing them somewhere, instead, take a moment to pause – and think, how would you move from point A to point B. So, when I’m getting out of bed in the morning, I’m not just magically on my feet. And yet, this is what happens to our babies.
They are lying down, and then magically they are just upright, in your arms. And it’s like, “how did I get here?!” And so the sensory experience of that, first, is a little bit overwhelming and jarring. It’s almost like a giant coming behind you and then picking you up. And then also, the movement experience that you could be helping them and facilitating with them, is lost. And so it’s not about adding something new to your repertoire, it’s about tweaking what you’re already doing.
So, instead of just placing your baby (I’m gonna back up a little bit) – instead of just placing your baby down on the changing table, straight like this, what I recommend is that if you’re holding them here, you place them on your bottom.
Ayelet: So, they’re in a sitting position.
Wendi: They’re in a sitting position. So my hand was under their bottom already. Now, the ground is under my hand. So, I can slide my hand away, and there’s a very smooth transition for like, ok, I felt supported, I’m still feeling supported, it’s, instead of from Mommy’s hand, it’s the changing table. And I’m far away from the doll because I don’t want to tip my microphone, but I would usually stay in close, so that they still feel supported.
Ayelet: In an “embrace” position.
Wendi: In an embrace position. And then from that point, depending on how much they have head control, instead of going straight backwards, I’d take the opportunity to say, “oh, let’s go over to the side, on our hip, and then roll back to the changing table. So that’s taking them down to the changing table. Ok, so before we get into actually changing the diaper. Ok, so before we get into actually getting into changing the diaper.
When you pick them up, it’s not just about picking them up straight up again. It’s about helping them to roll to the side, come up over the hip, and back into your arms again. Feeling the transition of that, sensory-wise, they’re gonna go, “ok, I know where I started, and I know where I finished, and I know how I got there.” And, as you do this over and over again, then, they’re going to start to take over the movement, and they’re going to anticipate what this is all about.
Ayelet: Because it is a routine! You’re adding movement into your caregiving routine!
Wendi: Yeah, exactly. So, same sort of thing. So if we’re always doing the same thing, which is the forward-backward plane, which is where we live our lives (and our eyes are in the front of our head), so we really do live in the sagittal plane. It takes a lot more effort to think about moving side to side, or to think about moving in rotation, unless you are an athlete or a dancer, or, you know, someone who uses their body regularly.
And so, if you just think about, ok so, we want to move on all of these planes, rather than just lifting baby’s legs up and lowering them to change the diaper, rolling them to the side, undoing the side, rolling to the other side, undoing the side, rolling to the side again, cleaning whatever needs to be cleaned. But you’re rolling back and forth. And so what happens with that is that you get to have play time during – this is play, right?
Ok, so my husband would always make fun of me, because my diaper changes would always take like 30 minutes or 45 minutes. And he’d say, “what are you doing up there?” And like, oh! Playing with baby! But, it’s where they are the happiest! Now, if your baby is not happy on the changing table, like, don’t do this! For us, it worked well. But, the thing about the changing table, nowadays, they often block you from doing this.
Because, you have these contoured pads which keep baby in a straightjacket, it’s for safety, so your baby doesn’t want to roll off. They’re also on changing tables that are horizontal to the wall, so that you’re at baby’s side, rather than at their feet. So if you’re always changing baby from this side, guess who’s developing asymmetrically. Right? Baby’s always going to be looking at you this way. Always.
Ayelet: Right, their neck is always turned to you.
Wendi: Right, so if you can get them into symmetry, that’s what we’re trying to do. I’ve tried to change baby from the other side… I can’t do it. Because we, as adults, are one-sided – we just need to make sure we’re not imposing our one-sidedness onto our babies. So, if you kind of think about being awkward, like, let yourself feel awkward, like, do it on the awkward side, and then move it over. Like, really what we’re trying to do is impact our babies in understanding that we move more than just forward-backward.
Babies understand forward-backward – where they get stuck is side to side and rotation, and that’s where a majority of, not just patients but clients who otherwise thought, oh yeah, my baby’s rolling over! Well, how are they rolling over? I just did a Facebook Live on this yesterday. Are they pushing their head into the back of the ground to, like, lift their body over? Or are they actually, like, doing a little crunch and coming over? And most of them are extending backward into the ground these days. And so, it’s not just that you move, it’s how you move.
And that’s why, you know, I’m getting out there with these minor details. It’s – once you understand it, and you understand the “why” behind it, you integrate it into what you’re already doing during the day. It becomes the play – and, because movement is play, the routine that you have with the tasks, those are play. And it all comes from not what you’re doing, but how you’re doing it, and the energy that you bring to it – “I get to change the baby! It’s my favorite time of the day because baby is the happiest. And we get to have naked time, because they love being naked…” like, you just get to look forward to things that would otherwise be like, “ah, this sucks.”
Ayelet: Right! My baby found his feet during diaper time, we had sometimes, a mirror on the wall behind the changing station… and I want to say, also, to make it very clear to people that, Wendi, you’re not advocating that we all need to go out and buy the very expensive (often times!) diaper changing tables that are forward facing, right, because there are hacks, number one, and you can do it on the floor (as one of our community members suggested in the chat, here).
Wendi: Oh my gosh, I do it on the floor all the time.
Ayelet: Right, exactly, it gives us both more movement variety! Also, I often times, the way that I set up my side-lying diaper changing station, is that I can actually do it from the bottom of it, right? So that I can decide, right? And, actually, I’m left-handed, and my husband’s right-handed, so that’s another way!
Because I’ll do it one way and then when my husband’s doing it, he does it on the other side! So, and then also then, adding a mirror, to look at on the other side, so that baby can have something else to sort of focus on… and then, like, infant massage is a great thing to focus on… sorry, I just – there’s so many things that you can do, just with a diaper change.
Wendi: There’s so much! And then, yeah, when baby’s naked, definitely getting some of that massage in, windows, fans, mirrors, lights, I mean, if your baby’s always looking one direction, you kind of switch them around and have them look the other way, you know, there’s so many ways to look for symmetry, but really being at their feet and looking up at them so that they get that nice downward visual gaze helps to bring everything into midline, and what we’re looking for is that symmetry by the time they’re four months old.
Ayelet: Ok, good to know. Fantastic. Ok, what other little tips do you have for us?
Wendi: Ok, so, just creating safe spaces around the house, anywhere. It’s like, you know, some people have a play space for baby to be, and that’s fine, and if you want baby to be next to you, you can create a safe place for them to be there. So, I have a lily pad mat that goes on the floor, and that lily pad mat is their spot.
And before they move off the spot, they can be right there next to me. It was for the, the bath mat, whatever! So they can… I finally learned how to take a shower with baby awake for my third time around – it took me three babies to figure out that I could actually take a shower when they were awake!
Ayelet: Well, you also may have had a baby the third time around that was more conducive to that, as I have learned, now, from having two. But yeah, it’s also the little tricks that you didn’t know the first time around!
Wendi: Yeah. So, having a drawer that’s theirs. Creating “yes” environments where you really, you really go through, and if you can’t do it by yourself, bring a company in to baby-proof your home. And so, because once you baby-proof your home, you’re not going to be the “No Mom” and the “No Dad” anymore. You’re gonna let them explore, because it’s going to be a safe environment for them to explore.
And then taking them outside. You know, before baby is even walking. Take them outside, let them go on the grass, let them go on the dirt, let them be at the playground on hands and knees… you know, just being outside just adds an entirely other element of everything. So, I see our houses as big containers.
Ayelet: Yes! It’s true – I think my 14-month old would definitely agree with you! Ha!
Wendi: So, within our house, we have set ways of being. You know, each room is for a different thing, and this is what we do, and this is how we act, and this is how we sound when we are in our house! Well, we get to throw those rules out the window when we’re outside, right? No holds barred!
As long as you know that you’re in a safe environment, and you know, obviously, safety comes first, just let them explore! There’s nothing wrong with a baby mouthing a pinecone, or an acorn that’s big enough, that’s not going to be chokeable size.
Ayelet: Right, and this is you, at a very safe distance, at arm’s reach, so that you can intervene if something happens.
Wendi: Yes. But, you know, but letting them lead – and this is where so much of what we get to show them the world – like, “oh baby, I can’t wait to show you the world, this is going to be amazing!” Give play – give your baby the opportunity to let them show you their world.
Ayelet: Yes! Oh, that’s a quotable quote, yeah, that’s great.
Wendi: Yeah, so, because we’re always doing, doing, doing. Like, providing, providing, providing; talking, talking, talking – like, we are doing so many adult-directed activities to them, all the time, that we don’t let them lead. And then we wonder why everyone’s stressed all the time!
Ayelet: Ha!
Wendi: Right, because I’m always trying to do, do, do for baby, and baby’s always trying to receive, receive, receive, and like, it’s just too much for everyone. When mommy feels overwhelmed, baby feels overwhelmed. So, getting back into you again. This brings us way back to the very top. Whatever your vision is, whatever you’re wanting.
And just… I know, my baby just came down. Um, no, honey, can you please go in a… do you want to say hi to everybody and you can go back upstairs? No, right now is not a… no, I know you want to go on the blue swing, and… oh no, and right now is not the time for that. I know. It’s tricky.
Ayelet: Do you guys hear what she just did there? That’s awesome – she goes, “I know that you want to do this, and we’re not gonna do it” – instead of but! That was great, Wendi, that’s…
Wendi: Thank you – I use “and” all the time. When I got rid of “but,” it was like a life-changing experience. It’s so funny. Because when you use “but,” you just disqualify them! You’ve just basically said, “yeah, I don’t care!” So, ok so, it’s so funny that you guys got to hear that. But, yeah, but the two words that I switched – yeah, I don’t use “but” anymore because it dismisses them! And then the other one is I never (no, I can’t say never because it’s still a practice), I have switched the words “have to” to “get to” – for everything.
So, what you will find when you go through the day and you hear yourself talking, you hear yourself thinking, you hear other moms talking, you will hear, “I have to do this, I’ve got to do this, I’ve got to do this, I have to be here…” That is heavy! That’s yucky, that’s like, I don’t really want to do it but I’m gonna do it anyway because it’s just what’s expected of me, and la-dee-dah. So, if it’s truly something that has to be on your to-do list, then you get to do it. And when you get to do it, you get to bring a lightness to it! Just that switch in the word makes such – you know, it just, it makes all the difference! Words are so incredibly powerful! I mean, you know this! Learn With Less, right?
Ayelet: Exactly!
Wendi: I mean, it’s so incredibly powerful, so that switch just brings the energy back up again. And allowing them to feel! He was pissed at me right now! He looked at me and he gave me dagger eyes, and I’m really glad that he didn’t strike out at me, because we’ve been working on, like, not hitting and kicking. But you know, not trying to say, “oh don’t be mad at Mommy,” but saying, “yeah! Yeah, you want me to be with you.”
Ayelet: Yeah. You acknowledge their feelings. We recently had Tracy Cutchlow on the podcast, and she talked all about, you know, the Language of Listening, and using all these, you know, “say what you see,” and qualifying statements, and yeah – it’s great.
Awesome. I know. And again, like, Wendi, you and I of course, could go on and on and on about the interconnectedness of early learning and the holistic nature of how infants and toddlers (and beyond) learn, but, I know, we have one topic today, so we’ll go back to it.
Wendi: I know. So, can I just talk about toys really quick?
Ayelet: Yeah!
Wendi: Ok, so when thinking about toys and things for your baby to play with, don’t think about… well, think, your baby is a mechanical engineer – they are not an electrical engineer yet. They will have plenty of time to be able to figure out electronics. Ok, so right now, baby’s figuring out what gravity is, how things work, taking things apart, discovering them, manipulating them.
And so, really getting into, you know, toys that are open-ended, they don’t have a cause and effect push button, right? That a four year old could play with the same thing that a nine-month old is playing with, could be the same thing that an eleven-year old is playing with, you know, balls, blocks come to mind. They’re all going to be playing with them in different ways.
But when you’re outside, actually, and even a little bit inside: big, awkward, and heavy. If you think of big, awkward and heavy as things that baby is gonna get to play with, they are gonna work their bodies! They’re gonna work their imaginations, they’re gonna work their just, like their sensory system, because, it is only through maximum use of our bodies that we really get the full effect of what our bodies can do. And so, for our backyard, we went to the brickyard in our local area, and we got a pallet of bricks. Ok? So, the kids get to play with bricks!
And you know, every once in a while, the brick’s gonna fall on somebody’s toe, and it’s gonna happen, right? So, we do kinda have a rule of, please wear your shoes, and if you don’t wear your shoes, you’re going to get hurt! Which has happened, and you know, that’s ok! Because, you know, they’re gonna learn through experience – they’re not going to learn through me telling them.
Ayelet: Regardless of whether or not you have a pallet of bricks in your backyard!
Wendi: Right! And so the other thing that we got is, I wanted some stumps in the back of my house, just to kind of have as big lily pads, or just things to jump on or roll on or whatever. And so we have four big log stumps in our backyard. And they get rolled around all over the place, and they push them up the hill, and they stand on them, and they jump from them, and they make them further and further apart so it’s more tricky, you know, I mean they come up with all of these great activities that are full of imagination! And then the final piece of this is, from an early age, get the peers together!
Because kids learn from kids much better than they learn from us. And so the mixed age thing is fabulous. You know, Montessori classrooms already do this, which I love, but you know, you can do this, like, be the – like, we are the Grand Central Station in our community. Like, our door is always open, we always have people coming in and out because if I as mommy am trying to push my nine-year old and eleven-year old outside to play, and it’s just the two of them, like, “oh come on, Mom, I don’t wanna go. I don’t want my outside time right now.”
You know, they just give me all the attitude in the world! As soon as a friend comes over? I never find them! They’re gone! So, like, you know, take a lot of the load off of you – you as the mom don’t have to do this stuff! Create the environment for it to just happen easily. Because with ease, you get out of overwhelm, which is so much of what we moms feel is overwhelm and pulled so many different directions. So, invite yourself to really be in ease. And finding strategies that really help you to do that is key. Peers help you to do that.
Ayelet: Yes. Exactly! That’s what we’re doing here, guys! Yes.
Wendi: Community. We can’t do this… I mean, like you said, I think, we are not meant to do this alone. And yet we live in a culture where our very declaration of our country has independence in it! So, I mean, it is engrained in our culture that, you know, we are strong, and we can do this, and we’re gonna be “super mom,” and like, we’re independent – and like, no! Who wants to do that? That’s not fun! Like, it’s not community, it’s not connection, it’s not being human.
And I talk about this a lot, like we go to school for 12, 16, 20 years to get ready for “real life” which is basically a job. Ok, who has ever taught us how to be human? Who has ever taught us how to be a good partner or spouse? Who has ever taught us how to be a parent? The only thing that we have to go off of is our experience of that. And so what we tend to do is either embrace what we have learned, or reject it. There’s no happy medium, and there’s no growth there – you’re basically just on a single track.
And so, there’s lots of things that I don’t like about technology, but this is the one thing that I do love – is through the internet like this, we’re actually gonna walk across the street and knock on our neighbor’s door. Like, that is my hope and that’s the community that I’m building right now, I believe it’s much like your community, in that we have this support online, but really, it’s about stepping out of some of your fear, stepping into courage, and literally opening your door to the neighborhood, knocking on neighbors’ doors, getting street parties back together again, the spontaneous play date.
You know, doing community organization so that your communities are friendly for your kids out on the street again. And, you know that kids seen wandering don’t have to wear tags that say, you know, “I’m a free-range kid.” Because this is what happens, now! I mean, who here didn’t have their parents say, “oh, be back by sundown!” Like, that’s how I was growing up! I got my homework done, I couldn’t wait to go outside!
And sometimes I did it before I finished my homework! You know, just get outside! And then our schools, you know, really… we’ve got the research that shows how much we need movement in order to incorporate what we learn. Research is there – Finland is implementing our research! Done in the U.S. – Finland is doing it! And guess who’s number one in the world in education?
Ayelet: Not America!
Wendi: Finland! Right? You know what they do in their schools? They have 15 minutes of recess every 45 minutes of instruction.
Ayelet: Because that’s what the research says!
Wendi: That’s what the research says that our kids need. So, we are so backwards right now and really believing and understanding it, the heart, the core, you know, that play, free play, movement, getting outside – IS the answer to so much. We’re going to get the cognitive stuff. The social/emotional and the cognitive stuff comes from moving. It comes from playing games. It comes from being with your peers and experiencing.
Nobody at the front of the room – I went to a great talk last night by Dr. Michele Borba. And she was talking about the one thing that our kids need is empathy. And do you know, like, there’s this mindfulness “boom” happening in our world right now, like, mindfulness teachers everywhere, mindfulness curriculum coming into schools.
Well, they had this empathy training at this one school that Dr. Borba was talking about where the third graders were all on the ground, and they had this blanket out in front of them, and they were all very quiet. And, so, Dr. Borba came in, and, they’re like, “our teacher is about to come in! You need to be quiet, you’ve got to have a smile on because she doesn’t like it if you don’t smile, and you’ve got to be very attentive, don’t say a word, or she’ll get upset.” And so Dr. Borba is like, who is this teacher? Like, they’ve got all these third graders to sit quietly and just wait. So, the anticipation is building, right. Guess who walks into the door?
Ayelet: I already know – but maybe somebody else can guess!
Wendi: Does anybody know who walked through the door?
Ayelet: You can write it in the chat if you like!
Wendi: I’ll give you a second – 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, drumroll – it was a baby. It was a baby. So, they brought the baby in, the baby got to be on the mat. And through the whole lesson, the kids got to say, “oh she’s happy.” Well, why is she happy? “Oh, she’s got a smile on her face.” What else shows you that she’s happy? “She’s clapping her hands. Oh, oh look, she’s getting frustrated.” Ooh, why do you think she’s frustrated? What makes you think she’s feeling frustrated? “Well, she’s got this grimace on her face” Like, “oh look, she’s about to cry!”
So all of these kids are, like, making comments about, you know, the baby and what’s going on, and one of the little boys leaned over to Michele Borba and said, “we’re teaching the baby empathy.” And Dr. Borba was like, oh, really? Who’s learning empathy, here?! So the kids really felt that they were leading! They weren’t just learning it, they were leading it! And that’s – you can’t teach that from the top of the room! You can’t!
It comes from the peers, it comes from the kids, and the right facilitated questions from the adult, but letting the kids lead. And it’s all through movement. The baby didn’t tell them with words – it was all through body language, it was all through movement, it was all through facial expression. And when our kids don’t have the opportunity to practice that movement, those facial expressions, the recognition of that on other peoples’ faces and bodies… we’re gonna lose it. And we are losing it.
Ayelet: Yeah. And it’s interesting that you say that, because I think people often don’t associate that kind of communication with movement – because they are completely, again, totally interrelated! Those facial expressions, body movements, body language – that is communication development and motor development – and cognitive development!
Because, it’s problem-solving, and showing, and cause and effect – because, I’m showing you that I do this, you’re reacting, mom, dad, whatever. And, of course, it’s also social-emotional development, because we’re feeding off each other! This is interaction, so… again. Love it. Yes. Alright, Wendi, what kinds of resources can you share with us? Can you share a couple of your favorites for movement, play, and everything else that you’ve discussed today?
Wendi: Yeah. So, I always like to go to pathways.org – that’s one of my favorites, and then the zerotothree.org website is another great one. And then, through our local community, we have a consortium of schools called LeadCare. And through those schools, we bring in speakers. And so, last night, Dr. Michele Borba was one of those speakers, and we have three speakers a year. But, you know, I love Dr. Laura Markham, I follow her, you know, now I’m going to follow Dr. Borba.
I mean, it’s just, you end up finding things that resonate with you. And then don’t get… don’t get so overwhelmed with following a hundred things. Like, find what resonates with you, and stick with it. And at the same time, this isn’t about searching for things to fill the gap. This is about finding where you fit, where you belong, and allowing yourself to grow with a community. And letting each other – like, you are enough the way you are today! Like, you really, really – and that’s so hard.
It was so hard for me to grasp that. Because, you know, I always wanted it to be better! And like, we could be healthier with our food, we could be doing more, you know, outside time, you know, but just, take a deep breath! Movement, right? Ground yourself with this beautiful earth that just feeds us and nourishes us, and lifts us up, all the time – it’s there for us all the time! And just know that you are supposed to be a part of it! You, your unique gift, your heart, you’re enough! You’re it! And so, find other people who are going to help you to see that in you. Find other people who are going to lift you up and hold you to your highest vision of yourself. That is what accountability is.
Accountability is not about checking the boxes of whether you did A, B, and C. That’s not what accountability is. And community – it brings accountability, but it brings accountability through helping you to live the life that you want. I’ve talked to so many moms about the vision that they had for what family life was going to be like, and then the kids came along. Right? So, it’s like, it all goes out the window, and it’s like, why does it need to go out the window?
So, what is it that you really want? And when I ask them what is it that you really want, a lot of people haven’t gone very deep into that. And the issue with that is that if you don’t go deep enough for what is it that you want, you’re never going to get there. Because you don’t have a very, very clear picture of where you want to go, which then gives you a very, very clear picture of who you need to be right now, to take those steps – and not only to get there, but to also actually live it as if you’re already there.
Ayelet: Right, working backwards, and using those tools that we hear about – those sort of positive affirmations and positive ways that we want to be speaking to our children. I think, what you’re saying, when we work backwards like that, then it’s much easier to utilize those tools… but it’s always going to be a struggle – because we’re human!
Wendi: It’s always going to be a struggle! And one of the things that’s really helped me is that… because I did a lot of self-worth beat up, right? Like, I’m not good enough, and I really should be doing this. There’s a really powerful visualization that I – now having gone through a lot of personal development and leadership work now, is, I created this vision of myself now that whenever I start beating up on myself for not being enough, I picture myself doing it to one of my kids.
Ayelet: Yes. I do the same.
Wendi: Because that’s exactly what you’re doing. When you beat yourself up, you are showing up, beating yourself up, which is essentially beating your kids. So if you want to shift out of that quickly, think about saying it to your child – and you will stop doing it to yourself. Because you are enough. All of you here are enough. All of us are enough. And when we truly embody that that’s the case, we let our kids know that they are enough, and that we love them, and that we all get to grow together. But again, we all get to focus on the here and now where we are, rather than scrambling and searching to fill a gap.
Ayelet: Beautiful. I love it, Wendi, thank you. Where can we find you online, for people who’d like to hear more from you.
Wendi: Yeah. So, I’m at moveplaygrow.com, and to get in touch with me, I have a contact form on the website, and then, I’m in the process right now, of building a community called Family FUNdamentals (with FUN capitalized!) and it’s really geared towards mamas and babies who are either pregnant or who are in that zero to twelve month stage. So, I’m building that now. So, if that sounds interesting to you, you know, just reach out to me through the website, and we can connect.
Ayelet: Very cool. Thanks so much, Wendi! And thanks to all our participants of the Learn With Less® Curriculum Online Program for families who are listening live. We’re about to continue the discussion and open up for a Q&A session for you guys in just a minute. For everyone else listening from home or on the go, thanks so much for joining us, and we will see you next time!