Why (and how!) to have a creative outlet as a new parent
In this episode of the Learn With Less podcast, Ayelet chats with Beryl Young, a mother, former elementary school teacher, and creator of the Momtography Method® and Recapture Self.
Beryl fell in love with photography in 2009 as a way to document the exciting time of becoming a mom. Now, she’s helped thousands of moms around the world use their creative energy to love their photos and their life.
We cover:
- Beryl’s background and how she came to do the work she’s doing today
- The reasons why having an outlet for oneself is important (even/especially in early parenthood!),
- How to incorporate room for small moments of creativity into your life, whether you work full-time or home is your work
- Beryl’s top tips and resources to help you “recapture” yourself!
QUICK ACCESS TO LINKS FROM THIS EPISODE:
Momtography.club: Capture yourself; create a life you love (Beryl’s website)
CreativeBug: award-winning video classes for makers
Abundant Mama: live and mother from a place of abundance
TEXT TRANSCRIPT OF THIS EPISODE
Ayelet: Welcome to episode 79 of the Learn With Less podcast! Today, I am speaking with beryl young. Beryl is a mother, former elementary school teacher and creator of the Momtography Method®. She fell in love with photography in 2009 as a way to document the exciting time of being a mom. Now almost 10 years later, she’s helped thousands of moms around the world to use their creative energy to love their photos and capture more of what matters in their life. Beryl, thank you so much for being here. Welcome to Learn With Less.
Beryl: This is so exciting. Thank you for having me.
Ayelet: So, I have asked you to come onto the show today to speak to us about, you know, why it’s so important for us as parents and caregivers to actually connect with some kind of creative outlet. But first I would love it if you could just tell us a little bit more about you and how you got into this work that you’re doing today.
Beryl: Alright. So I’m Beryl Young. I live outside of the Washington D.C. Area, kind of in like the northern most tip of Virginia though, not in the city. We actually live in the country. I like to call it my little country retreat and it’s me and my eight year old daughter, and my husband, and we have two cats and a dog and we live a nice little quiet life together. But it wasn’t always that way.
I remember, I know you just, you just released your [second] book recently and I remember those days with a young one at home and… The story of how I found photography is a little bit interesting, because my entry into parenthood was not the easiest. I don’t know if you’ve talked with your members at all about miscarriage and stillbirth and loss, but we… My first pregnancy was a pregnancy loss when I was 20 weeks pregnant.
That was in 2009 so it’s been almost 10 years. And at that time in my life, you know, I was definitely one of those like check the boxes, go through the motions. Like I went to college, I got the job teaching in the public school system right after college and you know, I was doing all the things that I should do. And I got married to the boy that I met when I was in college. And then it was like, okay, the next logical thing is we start a family.
And so, you know, I was going through those motions. And so having the stillbirth, it was like this really jarring thing and like grief as I had never experienced it before in my life. And so the camera unexpectedly, like I was learning photography because like a lot of parents, new parents, it’s like, wait, I want to be able to capture every little moment and get every little thing because I know everybody tells me it goes by so fast.
So let me get the fancy camera and do something with it. And I was gifted a DSLR camera one of the big fancy, you know, has all the lenses and everything and I was gifted that as an early baby gift. And so then I had this camera that I was trying to learn and we had the loss… And the camera became this thing that was okay.
I guess since I don’t have the baby to take pictures of, I’m going to use it to heal from the grief. And so the beauty of that is that I learned very early what a lifeline the creative process could be. And so, you know, I learned it I guess pre-kids although my first daughter who’s not here with us as the one that taught me that. We were lucky enough to very quickly get pregnant again. And so almost exactly a year later we had our daughter who’s now eight and she is spunky and she is independent and she was diagnosed with ADHD last year.
So we’ve been on this very like wild journey with her. But the thing that has always been there through all of those trials of raising her has been the camera, and it’s the perfect lifeline. It’s the perfect entry into keeping that creative spark alive. I hear from so many moms that are like, oh, I used to do this before I had kids, I used to do this, whether it be a sport or a creative hobby or something that used to be able to leave the house and do that, you can no longer do anymore because life. And I’m like, well you have a camera at home. You can use this and still be creative. Yeah. Hopefully that answered your question.
Ayelet: Yeah, I think that’s great. And if anyone has any questions who’s watching live, please go ahead and ask them in the chat or in the ask a question box below. So here’s a nice big question for you, Beryl. So why in your words, is having that outlet for oneself so important even or especially in early parenthood?
And I think you answered that a little bit just now when you describe the sort of coming back from grief, it’s a healing tool for sure. What about other, because you’ve worked with so many new parents, especially moms, but I think also parents in general and caregivers. What are some of the reasons other people have expressed to you about why that creative outlet is so, has been so important?
Beryl: So this has been expressed to me a little bit from some of my clients, but it’s something that I learned through the process of teaching the Momography Method®, and through my own experience now that I have an eight year old we, whether you’re a stay at home mom or a working mom, it’s busy like early parenthood when you’re taking care of little ones is just, it’s crazy.
It’s, it’s there’s something new every day that you’re learning about yourself and it can be really easy to lose sight of that person that you once were because we’re such givers. We’re giving to our families and we’re giving so much of ourselves over to our children, which is not a bad thing, but then I find that I work mostly with moms that are in transition, whether it be the transition to, Ooh, I want to learn my camera because I just had a baby.
Or then I work with a lot of moms that are in that transition from, wait, my kid, my child’s entering kindergarten, and now I’m going to have the whole day to myself again and maybe I want to go back to work or maybe I need something for myself or what, wait a second, I’m going to have this time. What do I do? And it can be a really rocky transition and I also work with moms who are sending their kids off to college or they’re just graduating from college. Right.
And I found this link between, oh, the women I work with are in times of transition and the camera is something that can be there through all of those times. That transition, and you may use it differently, but I think it’s so important to keep that line of energy because I learned so much about myself about getting curious and it’s supported me through, I haven’t had the transition to college yet, but through any transition, I’m always going back to the creative process.
And it’s not just photography, like photography is the main tool that I use, but I have other creative interests too and it’s just come to that like, oh okay, what do I need today for myself that can be done in like this little snippet of time and snapping pictures can be done in that little snippet of time.
Ayelet: Absolutely. And I love that because it’s like whether it’s snapping pictures or maybe you’re a musical person and you really want to get into playing piano or something, right? I mean you can sit down and play with a piano or a stringed instrument or whatever it is or with a camera and you can involve yourself in that just for you.
Or you can also find ways to involve your child at any age in that experience as well. And I’m thinking specifically, because I have sort of a musical background, of perhaps like you know, you have your baby laying on your, on the blanket and you sit down at the piano. Or you have your toddler planking out, plunking out little sounds on the, on the string or on the piano or whatever it is.
And then you have, uh, you know, pretend camera or an actual, you know, old camera for your tiny person and those are ways that you can, not only can you experience that and do that sort of self care for yourself, which clearly is a huge part of what we’re talking about, but also there are ways that you can integrate your child into that in, in whatever way that makes sense.
Beryl: Totally. I love that for a couple of reasons. First of all, I wrote a blog post years ago now, it must’ve been like five years ago. My daughter was probably about four years old and she was having a rough day. I was having a rough day, I was tired. I still worked full time. So this has only been my full time gig, teaching photography to moms, for about five years.
Before that I was a classroom teacher for 10… and I came home, she was cranky. We were just both being grumpy in the house and it was in the middle of December, but it was actually warm outside. But I was like in such a mood that I like couldn’t get myself off the couch and I was like, you know what? No, I’m going to pick up my camera. I’m going to let her walk around in bare feet in the middle of December because it’s actually warm enough for her to do that. She went outside!
Ayelet: And that’s exactly what she wants to do!
Beryl: Right! So she goes outside and just starts picking up rocks and like exploring and doing her thing. But I had the camera and so we were both kind of recovering from that bad mood, doing what we each wanted to do. And unfortunately for me, maybe fortunately for my daughter, she has almost zero interest in the camera. She wants to take pictures sometimes but her creativity comes out in different ways.
So like you said, you’re more musically inclined. She loves picking up a paintbrush and painting and I can still supervise her. Like I was never like the crafty activities mom and I know you’re all about learning with less. So like I was never, it took a lot for me to get the paint out and like be like, okay, I guess we’re going to make a mess now. And so instead of me getting all anxious and like upset about the mess I got the stuff out and then I would pick up my camera and take pictures.
Ayelet: I love that.
Beryl: Yeah. So I was doing what felt good to me from a creative standpoint. She was doing what felt good to her. We didn’t have to be doing the same thing in tandem all the time, which is kind of another thing I learned through that process. That it’s about honoring yourself and your creativity, but also honoring your child and how they’re seeing the world, too.
Ayelet: That’s beautiful. I’m just like, as you’re talking, I’m just thinking about all these different ways that you could do that. Like if you’re a writer, you could just write down, like, your toddler painting could absolutely be an inspiration for a poem or a short story or just a narrative of what you did or what you’re…
Like, I just love how many ways and it’s like this is not revolutionary, but it feels so obvious once you say it out loud, but it’s like, oh yeah, actually I can take care of myself while I’m taking care of this other tiny human and there’s ways to do that.
Beryl: I think we’ll get so wrapped up though and like I have this tiny human and I have to keep my eye on them all the time and I have to make sure that they’re getting my time and attention and energy and yes, they want you there, but depending on the age of your child, you might need to keep your eye on them a little bit more.
But there are ways that you don’t have to be doing the exact same thing as them. Right. You don’t have to just be watching them enjoy the world and explore the world. You can also explore and do things too.
Ayelet: Absolutely. Yeah. And play, play together. Independent play for your child is probably going to be even likely, right. Because we’re all, in these early years, asking that question of how do I get my kid to play independently? Right? And this is one of those great ways.
If you have a child who’s playing with open-ended creative materials, whatever those are, whether they’re, you know, blocks or a cardboard box or some painting or tape or whatever it is, like, your child — and you’re sitting there doing your own thing, whether you’re with them doing the same thing or doing it in your own way or doing your own thing, then you’re, that’s your answer, right.
That’s great. Oh, very nice. Very empowering. So I see that we have a couple of questions. We’re going to get to those after the main portion of the interview. How can we, Beryl, and we’ve touched upon this a little bit, but let’s get a little bit deeper into how can we incorporate room for those small moments of creative juices that creative flow into our lives. Whether we work full time or whether homes our work?
Beryl: So, everything that I teach in Momtography® and Recapture Self starts with being intentional. And so I think it is really important to ask yourself first, what is your purpose? What is your vision for both your child and yourself and then you have to craft your life around that vision. Now, beyond that, like sometimes we can have those like really big dreams and aspirations, right?
Or not like it might just be, let me keep these tiny humans alive today, but I think it’s really important to get curious and ask the questions of like, okay, how can I make sure my child is fulfilled today and how can I also make sure that I am fulfilled today? And then beyond that then it’s making the time and space for it and really making the time and space for it depends on a lot of different factors, but I am all about setting timers.
Yeah, 10 minute timers because sometimes the hardest part is getting started and convincing yourself that you do have time for that. You do have space. Sometimes it’s like, oh, in order, whether it be photography or painting or whatever, it’s like, gosh, I need to make sure that I sign up for lessons or that I have like an uninterrupted block of four hours to do this project that I want to do when I actually can make a lot of headway and get a lot of clarity and just short little snippets of time.
So like you were just talking about the open ended activities like yes, set your child up with something. And then since my tool is usually the camera, maybe you’ve never thought of using the camera in that way before. So you pick up the camera and you see how that feels to use it while you’re taking photos of your child.
But then through that process of being creative, I think creativity breeds clarity and so through that creative process you get more clear on what else you need for yourself. Totally. Yeah. It’s part intentionality. It’s part making time and space in a way that feels like — we work with the same mentor — that makes it feel like it’s impossible to fail. He likes to say it’s the next smallest step that it’s impossible to fail. Exactly.
Ayelet: And this is like we’re breaking it down into teeny tiny little pieces because that’s oftentimes when we’re sleep deprived and overwhelmed and feeling exhausted at the end of the day, especially, you know, that’s all you can manage anyway. So yeah, I’m a fan of the timer.
Beryl: Yeah, that’s great. I have a friend that is all about mornings and like Shawn Fink at Abundant Mama, if you’re familiar with her. And so she does a lot about like helping parents wake up earlier. And I am a morning person and I find if I can like journal for a little bit in the morning, that I feel clear, but that’s not always necessarily realistic on the day to day. So, on a day to day basis. So I do try to look for those other, yeah. So…
Ayelet: Yeah, totally. I know, I love her work. Um, and I, I actually found her work when my second son was like in this first year and I was like, oh, this is really cool. Yeah, no, I can’t do that.
Beryl: Yeah. I go through phases though where I’m like, you know what, today I am going to wake up early. Unfortunately I had an early riser so if I woke up at five 30 she would be in my room at five 15 if I woke up at five she’d be in my room at four 45 so I’m like, we’ll just kind of defeating the purpose of a hard one when you’re trying to set the intention and your child also is setting their own intentions as well. Also like to really help parents notice like the time sucks in their life and we’re no stranger to this.
Like I, I go down the rabbit hole of Facebook and like scrolling mindlessly or because I’m exhausted at the end of the day and that’s why it all comes back to intentionality for me because I don’t think there’s anything wrong with scrolling through Facebook. I need that when I’m feeling overstimulated and overwhelmed. Then it’s like, okay, I’m going to give myself five minutes to do that instead of an hour. Like I’m not going to go mindlessly scroll for an hour. I’m going to do that for five minutes and then I’m going to go back to connecting.
Ayelet: Yeah, that time when my child is actually taking a nap, I’m going to use that in a way that’s not deadening but is actually enlivening. So that’s what this is all about.
All right, so let’s just take a very quick break to hear a word from our sponsors and then we will hear a few tips from Beryl about the ways that we can recapture ourselves — and I love that cause that’s the name of your whole business and we will hear about her favorite resources for parents and caregivers interested in learning more. A little bit about this topic.
As a parent or caregiver of an infant or toddler, you want to make sure you’re doing it right, but everywhere you look, there is another learning toy or fancy subscription box that you don’t have room for and that your child seems to lose interest in all too quickly.
Okay, Beryl, we would like to hear your top tips for parents to help recapture oneself. Gosh, we are going to just pull it out of her.
Beryl: Yeah, so this is going to be the things that come top of mind. Top tips are going to be stop thinking and get out of your own way, so be intentional, pickup a journal and put pen to paper and just brainstorm what have you lost sight of in yourself, what do you need to feel like a purposeful, passionate human. Again, while you’re raising kids, right. I had to do a brain dump of all of that. That the right answers will become clear…
Ayelet: And people, if you’re not a journal person, you could do it on your iPhone or whatever.
Beryl: I actually, I have it open on my screen right now. I have the big 2019 writing document. My fingers type faster than I write. There are some times when the act of paper to pencil really helps, but when I have something I’m writing down, sometimes it’s just so much easier to use the computer or the phone or wherever, wherever you are. Totally.
Tip number two is actually a photo project. One of my favorite photo projects to teach parents. It’s called the 100 steps project, so, and you can do this one with your kids. I did this one with my daughter for a short period of time until she got bored and didn’t want to deal with me anymore. But you… I know, right? This is the fun, but it’s still fun for me. So you pick a starting point. A lot of times I had people started their front door.
If they’re at home and you take a hundred steps in any direction and then you use whatever camera you have with you, wherever you end up, you can walk a hundred steps any which way, but wherever you stop and land, you have to creatively capture a photo. So it’s just a way to get out of the house, do something fun.
I’ve had students that have taken a hundred steps and taken a photo, taken another, like they do it on a block, so every a hundred steps they take photos and they like compile them all into a collage or a book or a video. Somebody did video once and I was like, that’s crazy. So it’s one of my favorites, especially with young kids. If you’re just like, I need to get out of here for a little bit and do something, it’s easy to go on a cold day.
Ayelet: So the hundred steps projects – for everyone who does this, who’s in the Community LAB listening, I cannot wait to see a few of these photos when in a new post please go ahead and do that. I am so doing that. That’s great.
Beryl: And then the third tip is find time away from your kids. I think that’s so super important and you can get curious and creative and how you make that time and space. But it’s important. It does not have to be every day, but having a core group of mom friends that I go out to dinner with on a regular basis and business owner friends, the way I was able to build this business, and I know not a lot of your listeners are in the throws of like early parenthood, but I built my business when my daughter was newborn to three years old. And you’re in that phase.
And the way I did that was with some real communication, clear communication with my husband around what my needs were. And then my daughter would go down for her afternoon nap and I would take myself to a coffee shop and I would be creative and I would do things in my business. And so claiming that time and space for you I think is super important and yeah. That’s great. Yeah. Those are the three top of mind things.
Beryl: Those are great. Can you tell us a few of your favorite resources that might help families recapture oneself as well? Well, there’s my website.
Ayelet: There is your website, recaptureself.com. Are there resources for the creative process?
Beryl: I’ve been a member of a website called CreativeBug. It’s like, mayb photography’s not your thing, but you just, maybe you sew or you want to do some sort of painting project. It’s a, it’s a low cost subscription service that I’ve absolutely loved and enjoyed.
For editing my photos. I use a website called Picmonkey. You’ve probably used picmonkey before, Ayelet. But there’s so many like different design tools and digital art tools that that’s just a fun one to use as well.
Ayelet: What about, cause we do have a question in here about like fun iPhone photography tips. Do you have any like top two or three at like iPhone apps or Android apps that you like?
Beryl: Yes. So a couple of iPhone tricks. So, first of all for editing because I think the thing with the phone and taking phone photos like phones or upleveling like they can do a lot.
Now I’m an iPhone user, but most of our courses and classes, it doesn’t matter what kind of phone you have, but I get disappointed with my phone photos sometimes cause I’m like, oh they look a little bit dull or dark or not quite how I want them to. So photo editing is really how I uplevel those. Snapseed is a free app, apple or Android, uh, that I absolutely love for editing.
And then I personally use an app called PicTapGo – P-I-C T-A-P G-O. That one, I think, does have like a $2.99 or $3.99 fee for it. It used to only be iPhone but I think they have an android app now and I like that one because I love the filters that they have and now that I had them all set up, I just tap a button and it’s good to go.
I use a collage builder app. I’m looking at my phone now to like be like, all right, what app or Apps do I have? Um, Diptic will help me make collages out of my photos. So if I don’t want to bombard people with like a Facebook album, I can just upload like one photo of our outing for the day. And then, Oh for printing photos from the phone, there’s an app called, hold on a second.
They changed their name so I want to make sure I get it right. Print Studio, Social Print Studio, they have fun little photo albums and film strips and you can do printed photos on there. And I like that they have a phone app that you can just take your phone photos directly from the phone and order them from.
Ayelet: That’s so great. Awesome! Yay… All right, well thanks so much, Beryl and thank you to all of our participants of the Learn With Less™ Curriculum who are here listening live. We are going to continue the discussion and open up for our Q&A session with you guys in just a minute, but for anyone listening from home or on the go, thank you so much for joining us and we will see you next time.
