How do you support a bilingual child? How can you support bilingualism from day one?

On this episode of the Learn With Less® podcast, we sat down with Diandra Morse, of Bilingual Playdate and Daring Hearts Counseling. Diandra is a licensed clinical social worker in New York State and a mother of two bilingual children. She supports families exploring bilingual parenting, and shares activities, resources, fun ideas, and methods for raising a bilingual child.

We discussed:

• Diandra’s professional and personal background that brought her to the work she’s doing today
• The values Diandra feels she is instilling when she thinks about why she’s raising her children to be bilingual
• What parts of Diandra’s identity are important for her to share with her children through language
• How Diandra’s work as a social worker plays a role in her ability to be culturally responsive in supporting families in multiple ways (both in Spanish and English)
• What’s working well in Diandra’s own journey of raising bilingual children, and what parts are more challenging
• A few of Diandra’s favorite resources for families hoping to share bilingualism or multilingualism with their families

Helpful Resources to Acknowledge For This Episode:

Rebeca Imberg of BiliKids

Kayla Diaz of Bilinguitos

Klaudia Johnson of Laleo Therapy

Diandra Morse of Bilingual Playdate

Mikaela Martinez of Raising Little Goose

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Connect With Us:

Diandra Instagram 

Ayelet: Facebook / Instagram / Pinterest

Text Transcript for This Episode

Ayelet:  Today I have the pleasure of sitting down with Diandra Morse. Diandra is a licensed clinical social worker in New York State. Her clinical background includes experiences in school advocacy, sexual abuse prevention, healthy relationship building, and supporting bilingual families in Spanish. She is the face behind Bilingual Playdate, which is currently a social media page dedicated to celebrate and encourage bilingualism advocate on behalf of parents for better resources, explore bilingual parenting mental health, and provide intentional target language play ideas that can be easily implemented at home.

Bilingual Playdate was born in May 2020 when Diandra was 22 weeks pregnant with a 15 month old toddler at home, and playing was how she and her little ones passed their days. She was reminded quickly that play has always been at the core of her therapeutic work with young children the best way to engage and teach children anything. Playing has been the venue to further develop the language goals of her bilingual home Indian does bilingual home they follow the strategy known as “minority language at home” or MLAH, using Spanish as the primary language in the home.

Diandra describes raising bilingual children as an eye-opening experience, even though she herself grew up bilingual so through her work, creating Bilingual Playdate, she’s found it helpful to connect with other families who are in the similar trenches. And she has found it incredibly special to see her love for play bilingual parenting and her professional experiences in mental health combined.

So Diandra, thank you so much for joining us here at Learn With Less®. That was a wonderful, you know, bio that you supplied me, but I just want to say number one, welcome. And number two, it’s nice to have that more formal bio reading, but I would love it if you could just, in your own words, tell us about your background, and just really how you got into doing this work that you’re doing today.

Being Raised in a Bilingual Environment

Diandra: Yeah, absolutely. Thank you so much for having me here. So I grew up in the Dominican Republic. I was born in New York, but my parents, after I was 27 days old, moved us to the Dominican Republic, their home country. Both of my parents are Dominican, and I grew up for the majority of my life in the Dominican Republic. I went to school there, my school was bilingual. And so I was able to learn all day, my classes were not… it wasn’t like half the day in Spanish half today in English, it was more like every other class was in Spanish or every other class was in English.

So it was a really interesting dynamic where me and my classmates were constantly switching back and forth in the languages, which was a really cool experience. And then when I was home, my parents do not speak English, and so we spoke in Spanish. And then in the community, it was whatever, you know, whatever language we wanted, whether Spanish or English, depending on who we’re speaking to, and what they were doing. But I really, I was truly raised just switching back and forth between the languages, which I really appreciated.

And so I was in the Dominican Republic until I was 16 years old. And then we decided to move to the States. So we moved to New York City so that me and my siblings could finish off our high school careers in the States. We wanted to go to college here. And so I was then I guess, for the second time in my life immersed in one language only because my high school was only in English and New York City. I did interact with a lot of other kids who, like me, were bilingual.

That was really neat to see how even in that environment, many of us were still managing and navigating both languages. Following high school, I ended up in upstate New York, attending a college in Buffalo, New York, Hilbrook college is very small, so not a lot of people know it. But I found myself loving everything related to working with people. And I ended up getting a Bachelors of Science degree in Human Services, which then led me to going after graduate school.

I went to Fordham University and got a Masters of Social Work degree from Fordham in social work that focused on community problem solving, which was something that I really felt passionate about, I love finding a challenge and finding a solution or, you know, kind of thinking about creatively, how can we figure a problem that someone is experiencing or a community is experiencing and what can we do about it? And so a lot of my work was around that. And so my first job after graduate school was actually working for an agency in New York City that’s called Advocates for Children in New York, and there was an immigrant students rights project that I was able to be the parent advocate.

I advocated on behalf of parents who had English language learners in the school system, which was very interesting to me because I had a parent at home, both parents at home, didn’t speak English. And so for me, I was my advocate. I was the one that was doing all the advocacy in school, so it was very cool to be able to do what I wish my parents had when I was navigating high school and then college, like financial aid, like all that information that you just don’t know, if you didn’t go to school here, like that wasn’t a thing in Dominican Republic.

Ayelet: Right – well, and which requires a whole other set of vocabulary, even that you’re somewhat familiar with the dominant language, trying to master a whole other set of not only navigating the language system, but all the other systems related to… the educational system, for instance, yeah.

Diandra: It was very, very, very rewarding to be able to do that. I felt like I was able to give back something so special that I wish had been something that someone had given our family. But so that was beautiful work. I love doing that I learned so much about the school system. So much about bilingualism, how students are supported or not supported in the school system, how parents are supported or not supported in the school system, and kind of noticed a lot of the gaps. So my time there was very, very, very educational. And I appreciated that that was my first experience right after graduate school as a first time social worker.

So then I ended up moving, actually, to upstate New York, because I met my husband in college. So he’s my college sweetheart. And we ended up moving to upstate New York to his hometown. And this is where I live now. And I ended up getting into sexual abuse trauma. And so I started working as a social worker for a not for profit here. And during my time there, that’s really when I was able to really get into not only trauma work, but also Play work, because the population that I was now working with wasn’t able to do one on one therapy in the way that you see in a movie where like someone comes in and they sit down, and they have a conversation with you. It was more three year olds and four year olds and five year olds, that I was having to engage in conversations regarding trauma, boundaries, safety, you know, what does it mean if someone’s being unsafe? How do you ask for help? Like, these concepts, that sure we talk about it with our kids, but are really, really hard for a young child to then be able to really put into practice. And so, I was able to kind of learn how to do that, how to navigate that, and what is the vocabulary of small children, because I wasn’t as familiar with that. And so it was very interesting to be able to have the advocacy lens that I had already.

I feel like this is the kind of stuff that a child needs to be able to have a positive, productive life. And how do I then adopt that to communicate that to that child so that that child can advocate for themselves. So I did that for six years, and really, really, really loved it. And I was able to even work with some Spanish speaking families that did come through our program, not many, I wish more, I wish I was able to interact with more. But it was very helpful for me because I also, when I was working with the Spanish speaking families, was able to start learning how to then I talk about this English vocabulary to this family where their culture, this might be so taboo, and we can’t talk about that.

How do we even navigate that cultural barrier, so that it can be a positive experience. So I created resources while I was there, that were able to help those family members navigate those conversations with their child. And so that was very, very, very cool. Then I started thinking, well, I want to work with maybe the potential parents of children in this same line of work. Like I really enjoy talking about healthy boundaries, healthy relationships, the world needs more of that. So I ended up finding myself as a violence prevention educator in a college setting. And that was also very fun.

Being able to talk to college students about their understanding of what a healthy relationship is, how to set boundaries, what is consent, how do we ask for consent, it felt very rewarding to be able to do that kind of work, because who talks about healthy relationships when you’re young? That’s not a typical, I guess, not normal, normal to me, but not a typical conversation that we’re often engaged in. And so I found myself doing that in a college setting, but still kind of missing…. So that was more educational, so I was missing that mental health piece where I was able to do one on one therapy. So I opened up my own private practice here in upstate New York. It’s called Daring Hearts Counseling.

So I was doing kind of both. And at the same time, I was a mom. I was a mom of a six month old boy. And so it was a very busy time and very, very fun to be able to do all the things that I love – being a mom, educating the future generation of adults about healthy relationships and then also being able to tap into that mental health piece that will always be a part of me, but it was starting to feel a little bit more busy than I guess I wanted it to be when I started considering my own child, and my own bilingual parenting goals for him.

And so that was where I started being like, wait, I am at working, and I’m doing work that I love. But, my child is being cared for by family we love and caregivers we love, but they’re speaking to him predominantly in English. And if I want him to have any sort of Spanish fluency, he needs to hear Spanish from somewhere. But… that’s just how language works! It’s input and output, like if he doesn’t listen, not going to speak. And I was finding that the hours of the day that I was at home, were starting to feel not enough for me. And so I had to kind of come to a decision that we can like all the things in the world, we can love doing all the things in the world, but maybe we can’t do them all at the same time. And so I decided…

Ayelet: Ah, the eternal struggle of early parenthood.

Diandra: I wish you could clone, I don’t know, I wish there was a way that you could do all the things that you love, and all the things that you’re interested in, but there’s just no way. And so I had to think about that really, really, really big part of me that I really wanted to pass down and all the things that make me, “me” to my child. And I took a step back from doing the violence prevention education at the college setting and ended up just doing my private practice part time and being able to come home at somewhat what felt like the perfect timing, because I found out I was actually pregnant. And the pandemic that we’re all living through right now, started. And so I guess it was a perfect time for me to be home.

That’s kind of how I then found myself at home with my child who was 15 months at that time, and I was 22 weeks pregnant. And I found myself just constantly playing, trying to provide him with as much Spanish vocabulary in a creative way. Because yes, we can have conversations with our kids. But there’s just some vocabulary that they’re never going to hear unless we’re playing with them or we’re doing something specific because no one’s talking about scooping. And you know, there’s just words that you don’t use on a regular basis when you’re interacting with your kids.

So to me, play, was the way to maximize that Spanish input that I wanted to provide him that he wasn’t getting previously. Yeah. And so that’s how Bilingual Playdate was born. I wanted to share my play ideas. And I also wanted to find community because the world was on lockdown. So the only community to be found was really online. And in our community, there aren’t many Spanish speaking families. So it wasn’t like, Oh, if there wasn’t a pandemic, then I would be able to have access to this community – I wouldn’t have. So it really was kind of like my safe space, our safe haven that we tapped into when the day started feeling like you know, Groundhog Day where everything’s kind of the same.

Bilingualism and Play Development

Ayelet: Yes. Diandra, there’s so much there to talk about. And there’s a couple of directions that we could go in right now. But one thing I just want to emphasize is this idea that it all comes back to play, right? And not only is play the framework and the avenue that you used in your work with families and children who’d experienced trauma, for instance, and what you were talking about earlier about how working with families who hold different value systems, for whom maybe certain discussion topics or ways of talking about certain, like you said, taboo subjects… that play was often the way in which you were able to make your point and communicate.

And I would actually just love to hear – we didn’t talk about talking about this, but I would love to hear (if you’re comfortable sharing) a little bit more about what that looked like, and how it also just relates to the work that you do now, because you are working, I mean, you affect and you reach families from all different backgrounds, of course, because we’re online, and so it’s wonderful to be able to create content that affects people from all over the world. But I’d love to hear a little bit more about that sort of awareness and cultural responsiveness that your work has made you more understanding and aware of and what role play has in that?

Diandra: Yeah, okay, so the first thing that kind of comes to mind. So, one of the things that we used to do with families is kind of explore this idea of boundaries. And no matter what I mean, I think about culture as kind of like your heritage, where you come, from what you are accustomed to, but I also think about – and people forget about this! – I think about family culture. Because your own family has a way of doing things and they have a way of understanding things. And that becomes part of who you are. And sometimes that shows up more than your actual culture like whether you’re Dominican or whether you’re Mexican, you know, and so..

Ayelet: Yeah, and it can all be rooted within a larger culture, sometimes.

Diandra: Yeah, sometimes. And so, one of the things that was very interesting to explore was boundaries. And so how do boundaries exist in different family systems? And how do different people understand boundaries, and what is comfortable for you might be uncomfortable for you. Or maybe your parents did this when you were growing up, but now you want to do something different with your kids. And then you have to communicate that. So, how do you communicate that to everybody so that everybody can respect each other’s boundaries? And so, with young children, one of the things that we used to do is we used to think of boundaries as the size of a hula hoop.

So, we would do exercises where we would have hula hoops in a room, and then have kids pick out a hula hoop that spoke to them, that attracted them, the color that they liked. So they would go and sit inside the hula hoop that they liked. And then we would relate that to comfort, like, how do you feel in there? Do you feel safe? Do you feel unsafe? How do you know what if… and then we would do a lot of what if this person’s hula hoop was right next to you? Would that be something that makes you feel comfortable or uncomfortable? We did a lot of question and role playing like that. And then like, what if this hula hoop was on top of yours? And we would do this even with families? Like, what if this one was on top of yours? How would that feel? And then we would do a whole activity and a debrief where we would process, like for some people, that would just be too much, too much closeness? And what does that then look like when we’re talking about physical space? When we’re talking about emotional closeness? Like, would it feel different if it’s like, we’re just very close, and we talk about all these things, versus you’re like, in my face, so close to me. And we did a lot of analogies and a lot of observation.

It was playful. You know, it was funny, like, Oh, my God, what do you what do you mean that that, you know, hula hoop is going to be on top of me?! How silly is that! But then, we then took that, we had a visual that we could go off of, and then talk about this concept in a more meaningful way for kids, you know? It was funny and it was active, and it made sense to them. So then they could use words like, you’re too close to my space, or you’re too close. You’re in my hula hoop. That’s one of the things that they could say, which is so cute for kids to say, and then what someone’s like, What do you mean, you’re too close to me, and then being able to give them language that they could use practically, or like, let me show you, if I put a hula hoop over over myself, you’re in here, and I don’t want you to be in here. We did that also with bubbles, we would blow bubbles in a room.

Then we would say, what would happen if you touch it, and then the bubble will pop. And so let’s pretend that we have a bubble and we’re inside the bubble, what would happen if someone touched it, they were so close that they could touch it. And then they would talk about that experience. And then it allow for them later to be able to then communicate that when you’re so close to me, it feels like you’re invading my personal space.

So that was some of the things that I think everyone could understand and relate to, that physical boundary. And then we could talk more about other kinds of boundaries, like emotional boundaries, and how to set them. But it was a way for families and parents, it was like a common language for all when we were all playing, and something that they could replicate at home in a very inexpensive way. Because you know, we could give them bubbles, but they could also get bubbles even at the dollar store. And then…

Ayelet: You can replace a hula hoop with like standing inside of a laundry basket or whatever it is.

Diandra: Correct, or inside a box, or you know, it would be very simple things that they could do at home that would still communicate personal space, safety, security, and talk about how do we feel we’re in this box? We’re protected. And that’s what we want in our family. And so that’s kind of a two examples that kind of pop in my mind that were very easy for families to do at home, but also were very meaningful for kids.

When we were thinking about how do we give them language, they need language to be able to convey how they feel. And maybe they felt like different people have different sized hula hoops. Some people, the older they get their hula hoop gets bigger, and they’re able to tolerate more people in close proximity. Like when they go to a concert, when they are at the movie theaters. There are different events where you are required to have more people around you. But there are times that we don’t need people that are around us, like when we go to the bathroom. And so we were able to kind of then give context using these very practical exercises that we were doing in the office.

Raising Bilingual Children: Identity, Culture, and Language

Ayelet: I love it, because again, just to drive this home to everyone who’s listening. Play is the way, right? Play is the way that you frame it because that is the common language. I love how you said that. So alright, veering back into the world of bilingualism, which is really primarily the topic that we want to chat about and how it relates to play. I wanted to ask you, too, like from your own personal perspective, what are some of the values that you’re instilling when you think about why you’re raising your children to be bilingual? Because we talked a little bit about this as far as like your identity and why that was so important to you, when you were like, I need this, I need my children to also be bilingual, I want that for them. What parts of your own identity are important to share with them through language?

Diandra: The first thing that comes to mind is my parents do not speak English. And so, I am very close to my family, I’m very close to my parents, very close to my sibling. I love that my kids get to see that members of our family speak only one language and some members of our family speak both languages, and that in order to communicate with the members of the family that don’t speak both languages, we need to use different languages. And so I wanted them to understand that relationship. And that it’s not just us lots of people in the world that speak other languages! And I always say that if we were watching TV, and then something will pop up in a different language, and I’ll be like, Oh, that is a different language, you know, like Spanish, English is the language and then Italian is another language. And then I tell them, you know, in another in another country, there’s a little kit that speaks mainly Italian, English and Spanish.

So it’s very important to me, for them to understand that there are other people in the world that speak other languages, and that not only Spanish and English exist, even though those are the two that we prioritize. So that’s one of the things that I guess for me, I always was aware of this, because in the Dominican Republic, we share our country with many people from different nationalities, but also right next door, our neighbors are Haiti. And so they speak French Creole. And so we were always exposed to French Creole. And we, I was always aware that there were not only Spanish, but English, but French Creole. And then whoever I interacted with or saw, I knew that they were speaking a different language that wasn’t any of these three that I saw on a regular basis. And so I was always aware of that. And I really, really want my kids to have that awareness. Because in our community right now, they’re not going to be exposed to that very much unless we go out of our ways to show them.

Exposure is one of the things that is very important to me, whether that’s through books, movies, whether that is us going out of our ways, and seeking out opportunities that they can hear other languages. So I would say that, so it’s not just like, I want them to dominate and be able to be fluent in both of the languages. But I want them to also be aware and be sensitive to other people speaking other languages, because that’s the world we live in. And it wouldn’t be fair for them to only think like, oh, that person should speak the languages that I speak. I don’t want that mentality for them. I think it’s very important to want acceptance and then give acceptance.

Diandra: I want to just pick out another thing that you said within there, because you said exposure is the is that key, but also in, in what you said is connection, right? And it’s not just connection to the two languages, its connection to the people who speak both of those languages, and to the understanding, again, that not everybody speaks those two languages, and that there are so many languages in the world, and that those are all representative of different people and different connections.

Ayelet: Yes, that’s awesome.

Provide Your Bilingual Child With Language, Food, and Traditions

Diandra: And so I think that and then this – when I think about language, and I think, what do I want to give them? I want to give them language, food and traditions.

Ayelet: Yeah! Language, food, and traditions – beautiful, yes. Okay.

Diandra: So for food, I think about like, you know, my husband and I go out of our ways to prepare Dominican dishes. My husband has learned how to prepare many Dominican dishes. And sometimes I think I’m like, Oh, my God, you cook better than I do? How is it possible? I’m like, is my mom teaching him secretly how to prepare this? Because how can he do this better than I? So we go out of our ways to incorporate that food piece because I think the food provides its own specific language that you can really tap into and inviting our kids into cooking with us and being aware with what goes into what dish I think is just a very special way to let your culture really show up and really give that back. And it’s something that also goes into tradition!

There are certain things that you think about when you think about Thanksgiving, you think about a certain set of foods that you are going to have at Thanksgiving dinner, or you know, at Christmas, and we’ve done a really good job in blending both of our cultures and being able to incorporate a little bit of both into even what traditional holidays… because my kids are, they’re bicultural, you know, the medical and they’re American and so and I want both of those cultures to always exist and always dance with each other and never compete. That’s what, if I can give my kids anything it’s like to embrace both of their cultures and to let them be together.

You know, I had said something to someone before that sometimes I get a sense of Spanish and English being in competition like that is sometimes what it can feel like when you’re raising a bilingual child in a majority language community can feel like the languages are at odds. So when I think about my own bilingualism, I see them as yin and yang. They’re best friends. They’re constantly interacting with each other. And that’s what I want for my kids when it comes to the languages and the culture.

Ayelet: I love that, Diandra. I just love how you said that the It’s a dance, if they are constantly dancing with each other. Love it. It’s great.

Diandra: Thank you. So that’s kind of when I think about what’s most important, I want them to be aware and connected to themselves in the larger world, that there are other people in the world that speak other languages different than them, or similar to them. And neither is better. You know, neither, it’s not better to be monolingual or bilingual or trilingual, multilingual, all of it has its positive things, and we have to embrace them.

We have to be respectful and sensitive towards people, it is a privilege to be able to pass down or to give your child a language that they don’t actually need to survive. And so I want to always remain sensitive and not feel like everyone should be raising bilingual kids. I think we should be all racing conscious kids, kids that are aware that there are other options and other things in the world and other people, and we can celebrate it all.

What Works When Raising Bilingual Children

Ayelet: Oh, man. That’s it. Exactly. There’s nothing else. Okay, so on that note, let’s hear just a few of the things that are working well for you! These things that you’ve identified as far as the playfulness, the musicality, and creating community and things like that, in your family. And then some of the things that are like presenting themselves as more difficult because you mentioned like it is, yes, it is a privilege to raise our children, bilingual, multilingual, multicultural, as well. So what are the things that are going well, and easy or easy for you? What’s working? And then what are some of the things that are showing themselves to be a little harder?

Diandra: So, start with the positive. So I’ll start with what’s going on. So what’s going really well is that we’re still playing, I think my kids have a pretty good association with “Spanish is fun. And we love Spanish.” And both of my kids are Spanish dominant. So that means that they both speak predominantly Spanish, my oldest who’ll be three in February is very aware that there are multiple languages, he’s very aware that there’s English and Spanish, and he’ll say, how do you say this in English? Or if someone tells him something in English, he’ll be like, how do you say that in Spanish? And he’s very curious, and I love that.

So I think like we planted the seeds of curiosity about language, or even like when someone is speaking not Spanish, not English, he’ll ask, what are they saying? Like, what are they speaking? Which is what I wanted. So he knows that other things exist. So that is going really well. They’re very engaged in language learning, they love learning, they love playing. My husband’s Spanish fluency has skyrocketed because he is immersed in Spanish all day, every day.

Ayelet Marinovich: And let’s just call attention to that. Like he’s not a native Spanish speaker. He’s learned Spanish.

Diandra: Yes, he’s not a native Spanish speaker. He when I met him in college, he had taken Spanish in high school, like most people in the States. And so he was aware, he knew that I was speaking Spanish, and he was aware and he had worked for a while at Disney. So his ear was very open to language from that experience, but our relationship was mostly in English, except for when he interacted with my families, l, he would say little things here and there. But since having children, his Spanish, like, I mean, he says, like Spanish is my love language with my children. Like, that’s all he’s ever spoken to them.

And so he really, really connects on that level, like Spanish to him means the relationship he has with his kids. And so he will, and he says, like, I’ll continue to work on it, because I want to preserve that, like, that’s how I feel connected to them. So even like, sometimes I’ll be like, Oh, well, when we’re around family, we’ve we’ve explored the idea of like switching to English while we’re with family, and he’s just like, it just feels so unnatural. And like, I know, because we’re so used to it, but we’re figuring out what we’re going to do with that. Very interesting. I’m fascinated by that. Because I’m so you’re switching back from my whole life that it’s easy for me to like, it feels unnatural, like awkward, I guess a little bit weird, like speaking in English to my kid, because they’re looking at me, like, what are you doing? But I can do it. I don’t think twice about it. But he gets more like hung up like, Wait, that’s not what we do. Like, that’s not my relationship with them. I don’t really want to do that. And so it’s so interesting to hear that from a non native speaker that they feel so deeply connected to language that it means the relationship they have with their child.

Ayelet: That’s incredible. Yeah.

Raising Bilingual Children is Not Always Easy

Diandra: So I’ve got really well I love seeing that relationship just blossom in another language. So I always say it’s so interesting to see you parent and your second language and so he’s he’s pretty fluent. Yeah, I always be Yeah, I’m like I’m so shocked that like I didn’t I guess we never, you never know what to expect, you know, sometimes, for many families, it can feel overwhelming for the parent that isn’t a native speaker to now have to do this, you know, in the language that they don’t feel most comfortable in. But we have seen it, that it can work, but it is it is a lot, a lot, a lot of work. And so I guess that’s kind of where, if I think about the difficulty, it’s like, it’s a lot of work to stay present, and to stay on it. Because at the end of the day, we all have so much English practice. And like even for myself, after I moved from the Dominican Republic, my professional interactions, my professional education, my trainings have all been in English. And my point person will always continue to be my parents and my grandma. That’s who I speak Spanish to.

Prior to having kids, they were my only – then whenever I had family here and there that I spoke to in Spanish, that’s my whole Spanish, you know, since moving to the United States. And now I’m back to full time Spanish and sometimes English. So it’s very interesting how fluid that goes. But it is difficult. It is a lot of work. A lot of times it falls on us because we’re the only input that they have, especially in a pandemic where you don’t have the ability to interact with other people or travel. So it’s been that’s I guess, the difficult part like navigating that whole process that it’s all on us. We’re the only input, finding a large community of other parents who are either Spanish speaking or even non native, but raising their kids bilingually. That’s been tricky. We don’t have a lot of that.

We’ve been lucky to find three other families in our area, that we’ve connected with but even that, even though we love the connection, and everything like that, it’s hard because everybody has different bilingual goals for their kids. And everybody does bilingualism in the way that fits their own family. Sometimes it’s not the same as yours. And sometimes like even though my family language plan might be minority language at home, someone else’s might be one parent, one language, or it might be mixed. But at the end of the day, no matter what anyone’s family language plan, what I love is that my kid gets to see my kids, both of them, get to see that other people are also speaking other languages in their home, and that they’re able to be, they can connect on that level of like, we do things different than maybe someone else. And that’s I think, that’s a special thing, when we find someone who’s going through the same things as us, we feel seen, and we feel that we’re not the only ones and that is so powerful for people to stay connected and rooted in what’s important to them.

Ayelet: Let’s just also say again, just to emphasize none of those ways of doing it like as in both parents speaking the minority language at home, or as we might call it L1 – language one, versus one language two, right? And one parent, one language, for instance, which just just to call out to people who are maybe not as familiar with these terms. One parent one language is just as it sounds as in, one, like Diandra would be speaking Spanish. And for instance, maybe her partner would be speaking English, if that was the way that we’re doing it, for instance, and that there is no right or wrong way. It is the right way for your family.

Diandra: For sure. It’s the right way for your family. And each way has different results. But again, it all goes back to your own goals. You’re like, well, you want to get out of it. And so people have to do what works for them. And in different seasons, people change their plans. Yeah, it’s so fun that it’s just a plan, it’s a plan for right now. But it could be – we might have a different plan once they start school or, you know, life changes! And so you never know. That’s kind of like the fun part. I I enjoy that we’re so committed to our plan, but it is difficult for other people to understand for your language plan sometimes so what your family wants to do.

Because you know, there is always concern there sometimes I guess concern around the English because at the end of the day, most kids in the United States go to school in English, and so we’ve experienced a lot of commentary around well what about English or are you not nervous about English? Is he going to be delayed? Are they going to be… there’s just a lot of misinformation out there when it comes to bilingualism because it’s not really the norm in the United States. And so we’ve had to spend time educating ourselves so that we can advocate on behalf of our children but also educating other people and that can feel exhausting sometimes to be honest, it can feel really exhausting having to defend something that you know is important to you and that also is going to be okay. So yes I think that that has been difficult for me and my husband too.

Concerns When It Comes to Raising Your Children Bilingually

Ayelet: That is hard. That is hard and I want to just say also like to point out something that you said the Diandra which is that is not done norm in the United States. There are many places, your own upbringing included, where bilingualism, multilingualism is the norm. And just to also clarify that delay and disorder, like unless there is any kind of delay or disorder, for instance, presenting itself in that first language, there’s not going to be in the second language. So that in and of itself, just to clarify, is a misnomer.

Diandra: Yeah, bilingualism does not cause delays direct speech delay, it does not cause any kind of delay, whatever, you can master one language, it translate to the next language if you were taught that, but kids can’t produce things that they’re not taught. So you can’t expect a Spanish speaking child to know how to say a word in English if they’re not taught that word. Yeah, this that, that can happen. Babies can’t produce language unless they’re taught language. And so it’s the same thing with your wherever speaking toddler,

Ayelet: Yeah, right, right. And like all of the things that we’ve been discussing this entire process, your toddler, for instance, is very much aware of different languages. That is a wonderful, that’s exactly where he should be right? Like, that’s amazing. Anyway, I just want to clarify all of that. And that that is, like you said, that is not the norm in the United States. But that does not mean that again, back to the awareness of different cultures with different experiences and different language models, just because one place does it one way doesn’t mean that it’s the only way to do it.

Diandra: Yeah. So I guess that has been just something that for me, who was raised bilingual, and who was raised where like, both of my languages were celebrated always. And my parents even tried for us to learn French, you know, we started learning it in ninth grade in the Dominican Republic, just like kids started learning Spanish, but I already had two languages when I was starting to learn a third language. And so if it was up to my parents, I would have continue on with that, but I was good with my Spanish and English. But I think that I was raised that you celebrate any language, extra language ability or acquisition that your child has. And so to then trying to raise bilingual children in the United States and then being interfaced with… it feels like a little bit of pushback like for why doesn’t he speak English?

First, it’s not the it’s not the problem isn’t to speak, to speak more than one language. The problem that I keep feeling is actually the root of the problem, if I put my therapists thinking cap on, I would see like, it seems like the problem is that they’re not speaking English first. If they were speaking English first. And then Spanish was the language that we then were introducing later, it would look different, but because Spanish is the language first and English is going to come second, there’s this uncomfortable feeling around it, which I don’t know, I don’t I try not to think too much about it.

But you feel it, you feel it when you know, you’re at the grocery store, and you’re speaking Spanish and someone’s looking at you weird or in a different way. Or when you’re in no English, mostly monolingual setting and it’s English, and it’s a group setting, and you like turn, and you’re talking to your child and the language that you both communicate, and and everyone is kind of wondering, why are you not also speaking to them English, even though you know, you have your own family plan and stuff. So that is, that’s been the interesting kind of thing.

For me, it’s been an eye opening experience. And that’s why kind of I called it that, because my parents want to talk to them about this. They’re like, what, like, they don’t even can’t even relate. They’re like, we never worried about Spanish or English, or one taking over one causing a problem. Like, we just wanted you to have more than one. And so, it’s so interesting what their bilingual parenting experience was, and then what my bilingual parenting experience is raising bilingual children. Yeah. And so it just, it’s interesting to have that perspective, and that’s kind of what’s led me to do more of the supportive mental health content on Bilingual Playdate for parents that’s really resonating with a lot of people, because it’s very hard to go against the grain and to stay rooted in that this is going to be worth that this is going to, you know, yield the resource that I want.

And for my research and educating myself on what that process is like for people here, because I didn’t grow up in the United States, so I don’t know what that must have been like for a lot of people. But what I have started to really understand is that a lot of immigrant parents are pushed to not pursue the home language with their children, because of this fear that they won’t learn English, they’ll have an accent, they won’t be able to be understood. And a lot of language loss has happened as a result of that. And it breaks my heart, and so if I can do anything to support other families like mine who are in the trenches right now trying to figure out what the best way is to support their child and to keep their home language alive. That’s what I want to do.

Whether that’s through play whether that is through I see you, I hear you, I’m here with you. Whether that is through send me a message let’s connect let’s think about outside the box. Let me connect it to other people that are professionals and know the information about this. I’ll do whatever. I want to protect… I, it breaks my heart to think that there are generations of families that can’t communicate with each other because someone felt that incorporating another language would be a threat to English or to whatever the majority language was at that place. Yeah.

Resources for Raising Bilingual Kids

Ayelet: All right. Well, on that note, let’s hear we’d love for you to share a few of your favorite resources, including Bilingual Playdate, for instance, for families hoping to share bilingualism, multilingualism with their families.

Diandra: Yeah, so I’ll go through the points that I talked about, and then who I would go to. So on Instagram, there is an account by Rebeca Imberg, she actually lives in Germany and she is a trilingual mom. She speaks Spanish (first language), German, and English and her account is @biliki_ds when I’ll send you that information too.

Ayelet: We’ll put it in the show notes for sure.

Diandra: Okay, perfect. So she is a linguist she is who I would 1,000% and anyone to who is thinking about bilingualism and wants to create a family language plan. That is who I learned family language plan from, that who I go to and I have questions about what we’re doing, if this is a strategy we need to do or if she should be nervous and what to do with, when it comes to the time for school. So that’s where I would call Rebecca is a wealth of information.

Also go to Kayla Diaz from bilinguitos. So she is also a linguist. She also talks about family language planning, but she also offers Spanish Immersion School Online and so there’s a lot of Spanish play so right up our alley when it comes to Spanish intentional play and then also having a community because you can have your child so my oldest has done some of her classes and he can see other kids speak Spanish and say, Oh my god, Mom! There’s another kid that speak Spanish. And I know there are many kids that speak Spanish, I promise you. It is not just you or like your two other friends that live here. There’s so many I promise. And so it’s so helpful. She is parent & me like baby classes says that families can join us.

So I really I really like Rebecca, Kayla, to connect I love Klaudia Johnson from laleo.bilingual.therapy and she is also another speech language therapist, like you. But she focuses on bilingual language development and she will scream at the top of the mountains that bilingualism does not cause any language delays. And so if anyone is curious or has any concern regarding their child’s bilingualism and their language development, that’s who I would refer to or go to.

And then obviously Bilingual Playdate, but I also create bilingual resources Spanish and English I help creator and translate, I guess, more like translating so Mikaela Martinez from Raising Little Goose. She is a project based teacher, and she creates educational resources for parents and I guess teachers could use also in their classrooms. And so me and her connected and I’m working on translating many of her resources so that Spanish speaking families can have access to it because not many of us will be able to send our kids to school in Spanish. But we can do these things at home and we can continue to incorporate play at home and keep our language alive.

Ayelet: Beautiful. Oh my gosh, I can’t wait for people to check out all of these amazing resources. I was so happy to see I’m already following most of those people on Instagram as well. So go check out all of those amazing accounts and resources. There’s so much for all of you. Diandra, is there anything else that you would like to share? I’m so pleased that we’ve had this opportunity to chat.

Diandra: Oh my god, me too. I’m so excited that we were able to do this and that we’re raising awareness and talking more about this because it’s so important for this message to get out there. The only thing I can think about is, I just want to send whoever’s listening, whether you are a bilingual family yourself or raising bilingual children or you know a bilingual person just to take the time to give yourself a pat on the back and say, you’re doing the best job with your child and their bilingualism, and you know, it is hard work and it’s going to take a lot of your time and perseverance to keep doing it but it’s going to be worth it.

I have never felt regret from speaking two languages and being able to help multiple people like I’ve never, you know, there’s not going to be a sense of regret and so I just want to continue to encourage people to do that to give that gift and and to celebrate you because it is – so much falls on the parents, so much falls on the family, and I want it to be known that the parents are at the core of whether a language can be passed down or not.

Ayelet: Thank you for that. Everyone, please go and join Diandra over @bilingualplaydate on Instagram and see all of the amazing things that she puts into the world. We’re so excited to see you next time. Thank you.

Diandra  Thank you.

Ayelet: Are you an educator or therapist looking for new ways to serve families, to use your knowledge to support new parents and caregivers in your community, I’d love for you to check out the Learn With Less® Facilitator Training & Certification Program. When you submit your application, we’ll make sure you’re a good fit. If you are, I’ll be gifting you my exclusive, private training all about how to create lasting impact leading “caregiver & me” classes with a high quality, evidence-based, “plug and play” program that will have families coming back again and again. All you need to do to get an invitation, is fill out the quick application form at learnwithless.com/certification

Now, I’d love to know more about you: does this work call to you? Do you already serve families in your community in a similar way? Send me a direct message on Instagram – I’m @learnwithless and I’d love to hear from you!